rekindledtitan | Excerpt 005: The Dead and the Gone

Entry tags:

Excerpt 005: The Dead and the Gone

TYPE: Personal log

LOCATION: Nexus

PARTIES: Three [3]. One [1] Ghost-type, One [1] [UNCONFIRMED], designate Marshall, Brynhild [

rekindledtitan], One [1] Unconfirmed, designate Jesse [

notalldead]

ASSOCIATIONS: Multiversal Nexus; Jesse; the Rotten; Multiversal Phenomena; Blaze-37; Revivification; Bryn Marshall; Deep Stone Crypt; Golden Age; Clovis Bray

It’s well past the twenty-four-hour mark after Bryn assumed the place of her Exo counterpart (or descendant, if one wanted to look at it that way). Though a little more used to her company, Ghost is starting to feel anxious again. He expected to have his Guardian back by now, and her absence (albeit partial) is distressing on a very fundamental level. He communicates nothing to Bryn, of course: it would serve no purpose and quite possibly insult her.

On the bright side, he’s made it through twenty-four hours with only minor bruises for his human companion, and with a little medical attention she’s mostly recovered from the effects of the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster she drank last night. That’s better than he can claim for Blaze, most days.

So now they’re strolling through one of the Nexus markets, one Ghost and one young blonde in a borrowed leather jacket. The little bot is not-coincidentally leading her along one of Blaze’s usual patrol routes. He has a faint hope he can jog her memory with familiar stimuli. Either way, Bryn’s happy to check out the stalls and their wares, peculiar and mundane… and sometimes mundane things that just seem peculiar to a Golden Age colony girl. It’s everything Ghost can do not to get left behind when she makes another sharp turn and beelines for the next thing to catch her curiosity.

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"Yeah. What he said," Jesse agrees, a bit lamely. Feeling bad for letting Ghost spool it out and take the flack, so he steps in again once he's had another pull on the cig. "When we first met, I thought you were a lady in a suit o' real fancy tech armour. But turns out the whole you was the armour? I mean, y'all were a robot. Were? Are? Shoot, I dunno what happened here. Y'got turned into flesh once before, but it was cuz of some Nexus bullhonky that was shufflin' people's bodies around. And that's...not? The case here?" He glances again at Ghost for potential confirmation.

"...Y'look good, though." He's already kicking himself inside for saying that. This isn't the time for awkward compliments!

Bryn's looking sharply between them as they speak, her frown deepening. She's trying to make any sense of what she's hearing. But Jesse spells it out, and suddenly she's shaking her head.

"This is a lot like the last incident," Ghost confirms for their cowboy friend. He shoots Bryn an uncertain look. "

Except this time she's still in her own body, or one she apparently used to wear... Bl- Bryn? I know it's difficult to understand-

"

"No." Her gaze is heated when she looks up at them, anger and not a little hurt in her expression, shoulders tensed up. Ghost cringes a little. Speaking of flak... "I mean, not- I don't buy it. I've believed everything you people have told me up to now, but this isn't funny. I'll swallow the multiversal nexus and having an AI buddy, I'll even believe we hang out with space captains and guys from World War Two and- and I don't know, some kind of zombie? But-"

She does hesitate in her outburst there, gaze flicking to Jesse. She's not sure if she wanted to say that but it's too late, so she plunges on and finishes, "But I am done with this game, all right? No more trying to string me along like this! Maybe I can't remember the last few decades, but I know I'm human. I've always been human."

Somewhere back home there's a bunch of paperless forms to prove it... last she checked.

"Hey, we don't use that word." Ohhh my god, kicking self round two. He just interjected reflexively at the mention of the z-word and now he just sounds like a big idiot. This is not the time, Jesse!

His look softens to something more sympathetic as Bryn continues however, getting a better feel now for how awful this must all be. "Hey, I ain't tryin' to rile you up none. I'm real sorry if it seems that way. But ol' Jesse, he don't tell no fibs. Not once, not ever. And I sure as shootin' ain't gonna lie to a friend.

"But...I mean, I used to be human too, y'know? An' if you pulled up ol' Jesse how he was a few years back, he'd sooner spit in yer eye than believe some talk about how I ain't gonna have a pulse no more and turn a shade o' green. He ain't gonna believe there's gonna be walkin' dead on the face of God's green earth neither cuz that's just made-up stuff fer movies. But it's how it is now, back home. Sometimes we become stuff and we don't-...We don't even remember how we got here. We just know we're different now. An' maybe yer on your way back here. Pushin' past some of the lost memory files or whatever and findin' who you were before things went south. I sure as hell don't know what's waitin' fer me on the other side of that. So I get yer prolly feelin' like we're runnin' ya'll around the barn and I'm real sorry about that, Blaze."

On the upside, his objection checks her some. Bryn was brought up to treat people with respect, and she feels a twinge of guilt even through her upset.

But more than anything it's Jesse's gentle explanation that gets her to quiet down, shooting little glances from him to Ghost but mostly just listening. His words are kind, sympathetic, but... frank. Palpably honest. He doesn't talk like he's trying to say her, just like this is the way things are and that makes it start to feel... real. The last of the anger in her stare seems to burn out as realization sets in.

"You're serious." She gives a hard swallow. Somehow all the air feels like it's gone from her lungs. "Oh shit. You're not kidding." She looks between them rapidly, trying to search their expressions. "But that's not possible. Whatever about other universes-" another look at Jesse, "we can't turn people - humans - into robots. It doesn't make any sense! How would that even happen? ...Why would that happen?"

"I wish we could tell you," Ghost says softly. "By the time we met you didn't remember anything about your origins.

Judging from the look she gives the bot, that wasn't the most helpful thing to say. Jesse's talk about not remembering is suddenly starting to sink in too...

"Maybe somethin' came along. Somethin' to give folks who might have failin' bodies a way to keep goin'. Put their brains or their memories into a metal body. Shoot, that don't sound so bad to me, considerin' most of the alternatives I've done seen." He laughs lightly, nudging his hat slightly back on his forehead with one knuckle. "Maybe y'all even got to? Get to? Live a whole life just the way y'are. Get to grow old 'n have kids or whatever else y'wanna do with yer life. Just cuz yer gonna end up metal at some point don't mean it's a death sentence. Heck, for as long as I've known y'all as a bot, you've always been pretty happy. Helpful. Definitely pulled my bacon outta the fire more than once too. Just cuz we dunno how you got there don't mean yer less of a person. Or that yer doomed either."

He glances at his cigarette, flicking a bit of ash off it before bringing it back up to his lips again. "'Course, wouldn't blame y'all if y'took that with a grain o'salt. Comin' from, uh, a talkin' corpse 'n all. Sorry if that's somethin' unreal back where yer from too. It was fer me too at first."

"Jesse's right," Ghost says. "

There's no reason to assume something terrible happened. You're still a soldier, just like you wanted. And whatever happened, they wouldn't have... changed you if you hadn't agreed to it. Would they?

"

Bryn shakes her head a little. No, she doesn't believe anyone could. They are right, both of them. That's the thing. But for a young woman who is - was - so dead set on what she wanted to do with her life, it's a hard shock to be faced with a future where she becomes something - well, someone she couldn't have imagined on her own.

And it's already happened. She's aware of that, too. The way she is now, the way she's always known herself with her own voice and face and body...

It's temporary.

She sucks in a sharp breath, trying not to look as shaky as she feels. Looks up at Jesse instead with a guilty expression. "I'm sorry I called you... you know. We, um. Definitely don't have... dead people?" Is that term okay? Light this is awkward, but it's at least something she can wrap her head around here and now. "Who're still up and talking."

It's a good thing she can't read Ghost well enough to see how shifty he looks at that.

"S'all right," he responds with a goofy smile. "Even where I'm from, it ain't so normal there either. Used to the dead just kinda wanderin' around and bein' dumb as a bag o' hair. Talkin' ones are still kinda novel. Heck, they ain't a thing even in your time era, are they, Ghost?" That's the impression he's gathered, anyhow. He looks to the little bot for possible confirmation.

"Right. We certainly have no-one like you." Ghost sounds cagey, but Bryn doesn't notice. She nods, looking relieved that Jesse isn't offended. Maybe it's his manner, but that smile honestly looks kind of cute. It even coaxes a little smile from her in return, though concern overtakes her expression.

"So what happened on your world?" she asks, folding her arms. "Was it really like the old films? How come you're still... yourself?"

"What happened is kinda lost, at least in terms o' the details. Someone around Seattle got sick an' started bitin' and then it spread in hours. Next thing we know, the whole damn state and then the whole damn coast was crawlin' with zed. People gathered up fast an' started formin' gangs and survival groups and that's where we're kinda at these days. Got a gang o' my own sort, cuz I think gettin' all our talkin' zed in one place is a good plan. Livin' ain't always kind, even if we can wave flags in surrender and swear up an' down we're still people."

Jesse tsks and smiles almost apologetically. "As far as how come we are what we are? Ain't got a clue, honestly. No idea why us and not the rest or what triggers stayin' a person once you've gotten infected and die. All we know is sometimes people go down and come back as themselves, just a lil more decayed than before. Awful rare, but it happens. Happened to me, happened to my whole gang. Now we just want a cure. Answers along the way wouldn't hurt neither."

"Yeah," she says quietly. "I understand that feeling. Honestly, that's kind of... terrifying, everything falling apart so fast. People splitting up into gangs..." People waking up in decaying bodies with no explanation. She's trying not to stare at Jesse by this point: uneasy fascination just isn't a polite way to look at someone. Especially not someone who's been so gentle with her freaking out so far.

"I wish I knew some way to help... are you okay for now? I mean- considering. People here don't bother you, do they?" The Nexus seems pretty civilized, right? She's met a whole bunch of nice people already.

"Oh yeah! I mean, sometimes folks is a little put off, but that don't hurt my feelin's none. Heck, I'm usually the one on the polite defensive anyway. I don't touch no one or even get close enough for touchin' if I can help it. The fact there's cowpokes here now who don't shrink from a hug or a handshake from ol' Rotten Jesse is kinda novel, honestly. Surprises me a little every time, but not in a bad way, nossir.

"Honestly, things really started lookin' up for me'n mine since I found the Nexus. Met a lot of real upright and decent folk. Yourself included." Maybe even ESPECIALLY Blaze.

Bryn is more inclined to keep her feelings to herself than Blaze is. On the other hand, she doesn't have a nearly-immobile Exo face to make that easier, so there's visible dismay in the look she gives Jesse. She's a tactile kind of person; she can't imagine what it's like to feel you have to avoid touching other people. Even the ones you care about...

Jesse seems like he's not going to let it bother him, though, so she bites back the words. And it occurs to her after a minute that he can at least get a hug from the other members of his gang, right? He's not all that alone, just like he says. And then there's the Nexus...

"Really?" She tucks her hair behind her ear, finding her smile again. More than the compliment itself, it makes her feel a lot better to think that she is - will be - doing something to help. "That's really kind of you to say. I'm starting to see how you ended up with a whole gang behind you."

"Aw shoot, ain't nothin'. My gang are the real stars. Got a real bad hand an' still keepin' positive and goin' forward. Not a peep o' complaints neither. I consider myself lucky that I get to lead 'em, honestly, an' that they trust me enough to lemme do it!

"You got to meet 'em once. Well, kinda. They're a lil shy most of the time, but when I first met y'all, you were nice enough to come on down to the subway and trick out our generators. All of 'em run like a dream now an' we're always gonna be real grateful for that."

Bryn's smile takes a wistful turn as she listens, one corner of her mouth twisting a little. "It's so strange, hearing you tell me I did that and not... not knowing anything about it. I barely even know what a generator looks like. But... thank you. It's kind of a comfort to know I'm - I will be? - doing some good after all this. Helping people, exploring the frontier- I suppose that's all I really wanted when I joined up." That and her Plan. But if she got everything that's important, she shouldn't complain, right? No more than Jesse's people do.

"...It's probably too early to get a drink, but I think I owe you one after all that." Also she needs one- don't give her that look Ghost, she's almost totally recovered from that Gargleblaster yesterday. It's not her fault you need alcohol for this place to make sense. Wait. "Uh. Assuming you drink, I mean."

"Hah! Drinkin' is prolly what I'm best at, if we're gonna be honest. Might as well take advantage of it now while you can too." Wow, now that he said it out loud, that was kind of rude. Or depressing. Or ignorant? Metal Blaze can't drink, can she? He avoids eye contact with Ghost in case he's getting a weird look for that statement.

Actually, now that Jesse's thinking about it as well, it's starting to worry him too. What happened to Blaze between how she is now and how she'll become? Was she transformed? Uploaded into a new body? What if it's some kind of insane metal virus that she was infected with? Who knows what goes on in other worlds, man.

"You know if what you've got now has a timer on it or anything?" He tries to ask as gently as possible. "Sometimes when people get switched up like this by Nexus horseplay, there can be a, uh. Like a shelf life. Wear off eventually."

She lets out a little snort, clearly of a mind to take the remark in the spirit it's intended. Even if it's a slightly desperate kind of humor. You either laugh or you- well, best leave it at laughing. "Yeah, I suppose I really should."

"I think you should try eating an actual meal instead," Ghost says, preoccupied with slightly different concerns. He shoots Jesse an urgent, fluttering look - back him up here, please!

As for Jesse's question... Bryn's gaze drops for a moment before she nods. Looks at the little bot beside her. "Ghost said these... situations normally last only a couple of days at the outside. "And it's been... well, I'm not sure about the day-night cycle here, but it feels like nearly a full day. So- so this could be over any time." She draws a deep breath and tries not to think about what the hell that's going to be like. It's not a death sentence. It's not.

"Yeah, this place ain't much for daylight and nighttime workin' on a schedule. Stuff just kinda drops when it durn feels like. But goin' by hours is usually foolproof. And...yeah. Yeah, I guess just keep yer chin up and don't worry about when the time comes. I mean, it ain't that bad, is it? You're still gonna be a swell person and a fine friend. And maybe then we can figure out s'more of what happened to you. To make y'all-...Well, y'know."

Though Jesse feels like a hypocrite already for saying that. Here he is, the leader of a gang that has the singular goal of regaining humanity. And now he's telling someone he considers a close friend that her losing it won't be so bad. Man, he's the worst.

Jesse, instead of voicing that and only adding to the anxiety surrounding the fact, agrees with Ghost instead. Always follow Ghost's lead to get out of sad or awkward realities! "Though, yeah, tuckin' in a meal while y'all go the chance is a great idea too. There's a place down the way that does a mean breakfast all day. Nothin' like steak 'n eggs, in my humble opinion."

Bryn nods, unsure what to say but figuring he's right. It's harder to convince her gut but honestly, she thinks it'd take a lot longer than she's go to work through all her feelings about this.

"I guess there's no point in dwelling on it, right?" Her determined cheer turns a little more genuine - and more wry - when she glances sideways at Ghost. "All right, I get the message." Really, does he nanny her robot self this much? Either way, the amused feeling helps lighten some of her tension. Enough to give Jesse a smile and a helpless shrug. "Lead the way. I've definitely never tried steak for breakfast but- well, I feel like I should give just about anything a try today."

...The food where she's from is different. Don't judge her too harshly.

"Steak is good enough to be any meal, iffen y'all ask me! C'mon, it's just a few blocks thisaway." Jesse gestures to follow as he saunters in the right direction, wearing a bright smile. He loves showing people new, good things!

Though once they get walking, curiosity about Blaze/Bryn's situation starts to gnaw. Wondering about the particulars and the lost bits of information about who Blaze was before she was Blaze. So he can't help but eventually turning and asking carefully, "So, uh. How old are y'all right now, by yer watch? Got any family?" Well, HAD any family. But let's just talk about things from Bryn's perspective, not his or Ghost's. No more reason to rattle the cage of inevitable loss, right? Let the prospect of breakfast for lunch keep you positive!

She can't help giving a little laugh at his enthusiasm. You know a guy's from Earth when he loves steak that much. It's the kind of thing you hear a lot from new arrivals in the Sink...

For all her intentions, it's hard to stop her thoughts circling back to home as they walk. Jesse's question doesn't come as all that jarring to her. "Um, the last time I checked? I'm twenty-four. I only- only left home to try and join up about a week ago. I don't have any sisters or brothers, just my parents back on Venus. And a whole bunch of cousins and grandparents and great.... great great grandparents on Earth." Kind of hard to try and joke about that, now. Sticking to the present tense, though? That's a very good idea. She'll try.

"I've only been to Earth a couple of times, but I figure- figured I'd see a lot more of it soon. You, uh, you said you're from Seattle? That's... Nnnnorth America, right?"

"Venus? What the goldarn heck?" Jesse even stops walking, so taken aback by that tidbit of info. "Now, I ain't a science learned man; I leave that t'Mitchell, my engineer in the gang. But ain't Venus, like...All covered up with poison gas or somethin'? Pretty sure I read that in a book once." He hurries to add, though, "I ain't doubting y'all! I just gotta wonder what the heck yer people did to figure out livin' there iffen that's the case." He's soon walking again now, shaking his head in amazement. "Venus. Shoot."

Jesse nods when asked about Seattle. "Yeah! West coast North America. In a state called Washington. Pretty nice place. Google the Space Needle sometime iffen y'all wanna see somethin' cool from that neck o' the woods. Is Google still a thing where yer from? It was this computer thing that searched the internet fer what you were after. Like I said, I ain't science-minded, so that's probably a bad description. But yeah!"

The cowboy suddenly has a surge of self-consciousness, certain he's talking too much. He coughs lightly into a fist. "Found out I actually am from Calgary thanks to the Nexus, but I don't remember a whole lotta that. That's up in Canada instead. Who knows what I was doin' in Seattle when the zed hit."

"It was." Bryn stops when he does and turns to look back at him; she's smiling at his surprise even though, really, it makes sense. "Did- did Ghost ever tell you about the Traveler? It's an alien that came to our system a couple of hundred years ago. It changed Venus into a place where humans could live. Fixed the atmosphere, put the oceans back... even seeded it with new life. It's covered in jungles there, now... and a few volcanoes. Okay, a lot of volcanoes. But they don't erupt very much."

Bryn loves her homeworld; it brings a warmth to her voice that doesn't quite fade when she comes back to the present. "I've read about Google, sure." They love social history around the Ishtar Academy. "And a Space Needle definitely sounds like my kind of thing..."

She's trying to put some enthusiasm into it, encouraging him to share, but that last part quietens her. She shoots him a sidelong glance. "So you... you don't remember much from before, either?"

Jesse shakes his head with a sigh. "Little shreds here'n there. But nothin' big. Nothin' longer 'n a snippet. An image. A face. A place. A voice." He pauses, reaching up to adjust his hat. "Same thing that tol' me about Calgary? Showed me a memory from before when I still had a pulse and weren't so green. I was talkin' on the phone to a guy. My brother, apparently. An' I was-...Well, I had a real burr in my haunches over whatever he was tellin' me. Somethin' about wantin' me to travel someplace I didn't want to. Real kick in the pants that the one memory I got back with any sorta clarity was one so nasty, huh. But hey! Better'n nothin'."

As he keeps walking, Jesse's hands slip into the pockets of his duster. "But I guess that's one way to look at the situation y'all are presently in. Just gettin' a chance to remember. An' I hope to high heaven y'get to remember too. Maybe y'should record some stuff with Ghost, give him some records or files, just t'make sure. Cuz the future bein' unknown is a given. But lookin' back at yer trail and seein' it's been washed out completely... Makes y'feel kinda stranded. Lonely. Eggheads are big on history for a reason, right?" He gives Bryn a lopsided smile.

Bryn's sympathetic concern is written all over her face as she listens, with every little glance she sends Jesse's way. "I'm sorry. I'd hate if some row was the only thing I remembered about my family..."

She broods over it for a minute. "...But you're right. Not remembering them at all would be worse. I don't... I don't want to forget them, or my home, or... being me." Doesn't want to end up in the place Jesse's describing. She's never felt alone or disconnected in her life before and she doesn't want to. Hates the idea of Jesse having to feel like that.

She's afraid of ending up there. Afraid she already has. But determination colors her voice. If there is anything she can do, she'll do it.

"I can- I can leave a message, just in case." She looks to Ghost, the little bot blinking at her. "Tell you everything I can think of, so you'll... I'll have at least that much to go on."

"It's a good idea..." It really is. Though Ghost sounds uncertain as he looks between them. Bryn doesn't pay it any mind. She's nodding, frowning in fierce thought.

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Excerpt 005: The Dead and the Gone

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BACK FROM THE DEAD AT LAST

ARIIISE

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